INTRAGALACTIC FLIGHT
by Harry Van Acker Jr.
A PRIVATE MESSAGE FROM ENGINEER TO PILOT
Subtitle One: a sort of John Alden/Pocahontas, with
paper being the intermediary, redux
Subtitle Two: Sky King/Captain Video continue childhood
experiments to determine (and expand) the boundary of the behavior envelope,
a slap in the face being the incontrovertible limit
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Permit me to suggest, and implement, a saturated-fat-free, calorie-free,
caffeine-free, nicotine-free, absolutely 100% guaranteed technique to
eliminate post-employment adrenalin and stress using nature's own anodyne.
a no-obligation, expenses-paid voyage into intragalactic inner space
will be provided, to a destination entirely of one's own choosing, the
coordinates of which need never be revealed.
Amazingly, there is no limit whatsoever imposed upon the distance which
may be traveled. If such a limit appears to exist, it is strictly that
established by the fantasies of the pilot. When such fantasies are allowed,
and fostered, so as to merge with the unlimited volatile carburants
of the subconscious, the fuel which is synergized therefrom is truly
awesome to the nth power.
It must also be understood that, to take full advantage of the technique
described infra, one (the pilot) must allow the critical portions of
the flight to proceed unfettered. That is, the pilot must release all
control, and must also disengage all four (note that a fourth axis is
included) axes of the autopilot and permit this navette of wonder and
amazement to soar guidance-free.
At first blush, this requirement reads easily to non-pilots and to
pilots who have never attempted unrestrained flight. But, as is so often
the case in matters human, actually relinquishing control may very well
be impossible, especially in the presence of an engineer with whom the
pilot is not completely at ease.
Moreover, pilots who may have contracted emotional disease at birth
and during early childhood may absolutely require control of one's physical
and emotional environment for symptomatic relief and, verily, for simple
survival. So the release of, and the key to, this therapeutic voyage
is the pilot. The role of the engineer is merely that of a facilitator
who lends a slightly different aura and magnification to the flight.
The functions of the engineer are dual in nature, but, lest the ego
of the engineer inflate, the engineer, must always keep in mind the
relative unimportance of the function of the engineer when compared
to that of the pilot, and that the pilot is capable at any time of solo
flight. That is not, however, to say that the engineer is without importance.
An engineer who possesses a degree of attractiveness to the pilot will
vastly enhance the fantasies of the pilot. Moreover, if the pilot finds
the engineer attractive in all personality facets-emotional, intellectual,
physical, etc., then the pilot's voyage will be far more rewarding.
If, in addition, the pilot and the engineer enjoy a relationship such
that the pilot has absolutely no fear whatsoever of humiliation or embarrassment
caused by the engineer, then the pilot will be capable of achieving
an a vastly enhanced emotional terminal velocity, and corresponding
depth, which render that particular voyage marvelously rewarding. A
pilot possessing a modicum of self-esteem will readily admit that such
a voyage is more rewarding than an unaccompanied escapade.
Astrophysicists with a subspecialty of intragalactic emotional travel
unanimously agree that an engineer with whom the pilot is absolutely
comfortable will allow all the emotional fuel available to be expended
and subsequently devoted to propelling the navette to the farthest reaches
of the pilot's intrasolar system. These uncharted areas provide two
sources of enviable and invaluable pleasure value: new stimuli, and
the confidence and skills which will enhance subsequent travel.
An additional standard of performance by the engineer cannot be emphasized
enough as it relates to the success of any particular flight, but also
to the solidarity and effectiveness of the whole launch team. That is,
once the engineer has begun the excitation of the igniter, the engineer
MUST NOT be distracted. Continuous, rhythmic, and gently increasing
manipulation of the control is essential. A lapse on the part of the
engineer cannot be tolerated by the pilot. Anything less damages the
requisite flame propagation, pressure amplification, and subsequent
ignition of the multiple engines.
Now that these preliminary points have been clarified, the technique
itself can be described.
The first of the two duties of the engineer is to ensure that the travel
vessel is without flaw. Interestingly, and, from the point of view of
both members of the launch team, much more stimulating, no mechanical
device has been conceived (as it were) nor prototype built, much less
pressed into service, which performs this examination and evaluation
more precisely and effectively than the human mouth.
The engineer must, in absolutely minute, clinical, objective, seemingly
relentless detail, examine both the navette and the booster assembly
for leaks in the pressure sensitive modules as well as for any other
external irregularities which might affect the velocity and corresponding
depth attainable by the unit. A flawless, wind-tunnel perfect, external
membrane enveloping the navette is considered ideal since rapid achievement
of escape velocity, maximum excursion velocity, and maximum time spent
at terminal velocity all contribute to the success, i.e. rewards, of
the voyage.
Although this external examination ("pre-flight") is discussed as separate
from the flight itself, from the pilot's perspective, the two are seamless
and indistinct, and are merely consecutive information gathering parts
of the continuum. The external examination is in fact the initial phase
of the flight itself. In a successful flight under ideal conditions,
liftoff for the pilot begins as soon as the engineer's mouth touches
the pilot at the very beginning of the oral palpitation.
The design of the activation device for the absolutely critical final
phase of the successful flight, that is, when the awesome, mathematically
unlimited ignition of the final boosters occurs, is such that it (the
device) will invariably signal the pilot and, ideally, the trained,
experienced and attentive engineer, of the ultimate state of readiness
of the final phase navette engines. That is, the protective fail-safe
apparatus automatically recedes, and the igniter, which varies somewhat
in external design from navette to navette, and which is the most highly
sensitive module of the navette, at the requisite moment becomes exposed
signaling that its critical mass has been achieved.
Ideally, the pilot confirms to the engineer that the navette is in
the ultimate state of readiness and that all that remains is a short
period of pre-ignition followed rapidly by ignition of all launch engines.
When so notified, the entire attention of the engineer should be devoted,
without distraction, to the excitation of the igniter, using tongue
only, which, once again, is the perfect instrument for such task.
The pilot may request several reignitions of all engines by the engineer
in order to enable the reaching of the intra-stellar orbit which is
the goal of that particular mission. Rarely, however, is the mission
intended to anything but the limits of the pilot's galaxy.
Input from the pilot is invaluable to the engineer at all times if
the engineer is to objectively assess such subjective mission parameters
as:
1. the point on the pilot's pleasure/pain continuum at which the melding
of the two approaches the ideal;
2. the absolutely precise value at which the pilot's pain has been
maximized beyond which is triggered such discomfort as may jeopardize
the mission;
3. negotiation of the navette through the star gate of release into
the depths of human ecstasy where all sensory stimuli are focused on
a single goal;
4. achieving the goal of explosive release from tension of all systems
within the navette;
5. if the pilot is truly fortunate, the emotional and psychic communion
with another human being (the engineer) which makes possible the symbiosis
of the emotions of both and which is fosters the unqualified confidence
of the pilot in the engineer. The requisite confidence is that which
allows the pilot to maximize the goals of the mission without fear of
humiliation or embarrassment by the engineer
FOOTNOTE:
One of the two classes of engineer available does, in fact possess
an anatomical appendage capable of stimulating the launch, but the physio-emotional
software of this class of engineer is such that few are capable of withstanding
the stresses of pre-launch stimulation of the pilot without exceeding
the design parameters of the engineer. The result is an abort (!) of
the mission of the pilot coupled (!) with a meltdown of the critical
systems of the engineer for an extended period of time which may render
the launch of the pilot's mission pointless due to the unlikelihood
of a rewarding experience.
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"Ms. Constance Blair, salesperson par excellence, originally of Vancouver,
now of south Florida, was the inspiration (100% chaste) of this article".
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